I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
