Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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