Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
