just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize