I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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