you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
