why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I intend to get homeless drunk
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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