There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
