God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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