you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
