I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
