WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize