I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
