We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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