Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
