I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
