I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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