i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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