i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
