he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
