how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
