my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You ruined the universe
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
