i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
