i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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