dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
