Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
