dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
