I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
