if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
