wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
