Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
