My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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