He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
from now on my penis is your penis
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
birth control should be required to get into college
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
