I think I died a long time ago.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
