I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize