Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
