The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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