Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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