Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
