I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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