It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
