i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
