dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
