Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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