she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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