DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
