So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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