Please, let me fuck your mom
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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