when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
