my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
