we're blogging at a bar
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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