I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
