I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
