i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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