in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
