you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The best revenge is premature balding
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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