At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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