We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize