The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
