I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
