Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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