there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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