I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
