Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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