He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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