I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
