i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
