OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize