I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
