he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize