Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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