my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
